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Going Crazy When Your Kids Misbehave? Here Are Five Truths to Keep You Sane

All parents want their kids to behave but there are times when our little tyke just messes up. When that happens, we either feel worthless or also mess up as parents. We strive to do our best, but sometimes we blow things up.

There is no need to suffer when you can’t control your kids. Here are five important truths to keep your cool.

1. Your kid’s misbehavior does not define your value as a parent 

God has entrusted your wonderful kids because He knows you are the perfect parents for them. Now, time for some generalities: all kids misbehave and disobey from time to time, and all parents suffer from low self-worth and feel inadequate from time to time. I have looked for parents who know what to do in every given situation, but have found none. All parents make mistakes.

While it’s correct to say we shouldn’t ignore our kids’ misbehavior (although there are specific circumstances where we can do that) , we also should not take it personally when our kids don’t listen, or fight each other, or  throw a fit when we are about to eat dinner. Their misbehavior is very irritating, but it helps when we keep our cool and understand what’s going on. So know what they’re up to, help them, but don’t blame yourself. They’re growing up, and they’re kids.

2. Your kids need unconditional love, just like anyone else

What is unconditional love? Even trying to define it is difficult but you can say it is showing love no matter what. When you make it your goal every day you will be doing great favor for your kids. Loving them unconditionally even during terrible times when you’d rather like to punch them in the face will tell them you love them and accept them for who they are.

My two little boys did all kinds of misbehavior when they were younger that most of the time I literally become a monster ready to eat them. That was usually before bedtime. Frustrated with anger, I would send them to bed and tell them to go to sleep quickly, before I got the chance to swallow them up.

While at it, they’d ask, “Mama, can you first tell us a story before we sleep, please”?

And I’d go like, “You want me to change from this angry monster into a storyteller, THAT quick? Do you know how extremely difficult and frustrating that is”?

And I’d proceed with my recitation on how they’d been so unruly and got me real banged on the head, groggy with anger and frustration, blah, blah, blah.

They’d usually drift slowly to sleep and I’d just go on, “blah, blah, blah.”What a wonderful way to bring two kids to dreamland. I can just imagine how many nightmares they got during those nights.

I must have a different way to respond to things but that should never be an excuse. I lost too many opportunities to show my kids that I love and accept them despite their unacceptable behaviour.

We can all strive to seek to love our kids unconditionally. If we fail, we must try to do it again.

3. No misbehaviour is innocent

What motivates your child to act a certain way?

Usually, it has something to do with meeting his or her needs according to how he sees himself and life in general. There is an inner need for each child to fit in and stand out. The more you understand him, the more you can help him behave in a beneficial, considerate and useful way and not just have his own way.

4. You don’t own your kids, sorry

It’s okay to call them “my kids,” but the fact remains that first, they are just gifts of God to us, and second, each of them are their own, unique person. We should look at them that way. This means they are ours to nurture, raise, protect and develop into wonderful adults later on.

If you help your kids discover their strengths and encourage and develop them in such areas, you have most of the job done. You will always want to affirm what they do well including the little things. By the time they approach adolescence, they will have a healthier sense of self and will be more ready to face the adult. That’s because you helped them know they were somebody who fits in and have something to give to the world around them.

5. You shouldn’t let your kids run your home, ever!

Each member of the family has a particularly important role to make it functional and no one member is more important than everybody else. This means even parents are not supposed to place their personal wants over the good of the entire household, unless those are the same thing; and even when kids are taken care of, they shouldn’t in any way be spoiled to the point of interrupting the entire family system.

Mom, you can actually stop preparing a different meal every time one person changes what he wants for breakfast. My two kids, for example, want different things every time. What I do is let them choose from what has already been prepared. I notice that when I consistently do that they usually comply (otherwise they eat nothing)but when I’m lenient and let them have their way everything gets disrupted such as our budget, schedules and plans.

Maintain schedule and order in your home and let your kids stick to them. For some of us this is a challenge but unless we do it, we can never keep our sanity.

What do you usually do when your kids misbehave? Share your experiences and ideas here so we can discuss, and subscribe to my list to get updates. Also, you might want to check out some more helpful tips on my Facebook Page.

Five Proven Tips to Get Your Kids to Read

You can turn your home into a fun and favorite place to read. Here are some things I’m pretty sure you can connect with. Get fresh ideas and get reminded of things you probably have already done. Enjoy!

1. Make reading fun both for you and your kids. If you get your kids to enjoy reading, they will keep on doing it. Let’s take this even further – if you get your kids to love books, you would keep them reading. Skill is just secondary; make the activity an adventure, fun and pleasurable. Once they enjoy doing it, they will eventually develop the skills – without the fuss.

 2. Let them catch you read. Don’t make this common mistake among parents – to read only when kids are neatly tucked in bed. How will they ever know you even read at all? Get caught. Discuss a part of any reading with them or with your spouse. Talk about books while they are listening around. They will read by your example.

“Family With Two Children” by Ambro

3. Read aloud. Imagine sitting your child on your lap while reading his or her favorite story aloud. Your child will associate reading with intimacy. A lot of times, it is not really what you read to him, but the precious opportunity this kind of activity provides – it just draws both of you towards each other. Even an infant will coo when you do that.

4. Schedule trips to the bookstore or the local library . You can’t have all the books at home but you can treat your kids to a feast of ideas.

I always bring my kids to a local book sale and they love it. They sit quietly on the floor with their chosen reads. I pair that with the privilege to choose their own books at a small budget, and boy, are they always more than excited about that. Sometimes you can also bring them to a local library for a sumptuous read.

5. Catch your kids read and affirm them every time. You have been hoping and trying hard for them to do it – celebrate with them when they do. Appreciate them when they open a book, or join the conversation with them when they talk about anything they have read.

Any more ideas you can add to my list? I will post some more next time but I’m pretty sure you have your own brilliant tips. Meanwhile, take time to try these five tips to get your kids to read and tell me what happens. Be sure to connect with me on my Facebook Page and let us altogether learn.

 

 

 

The Rewards of a Stay at Home Working Woman

photo credit: freedigitalphotos.net

It is official –  I’m now a certified stay at home working woman, are you?

It took me several weeks to finally get used to it. I have been a working woman for almost 27 years, particularly a working mom for eight years, and I loved my job. In fact, nothing could ever separate me from it whether I get paid or not; except this inner stirring to do something else, or more accurately, a lot more other things. If I were to discuss those, we would get past 100 web pages.

I used to dislike staying at home both for good and bad reasons. For one, I won’t have a monthly salary, another, I will miss my office friends and still another, I will have to quit doing what I have always done for almost 21 years. There are a lot more reasons but, honestly, the most challenging is staying home with my two grade school boys. You read it right. Two grade school boys – they jump on my toes, scribble on my books, climb on our dining table, climb our windows, play basketball in the bathroom, mess up with the neighbour’s cat, run on the stairs, play with the stove, beat each other up and run and yell all the time. The list is endless, and attempting to write it can already make me all stressed-out just yet.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids. They are two terrific little guys I’m starting to hang around with more often. In the midst of my most stressful adjustment days, I see a twinkle in their eyes just because I’m almost always beside them and I learn a lot of precious little lessons. I guess there is just a lot of transformation going inside. Of the things I enjoy about being a stay-at-home mom, these four top the list.

1. Get to greet the kids at the door when they get home from school

Only a few moms get to do this. That classic moment like the one we usually see on TV, when my kids run and shout, “Mama!” and I spread my arms to hug them, and then ask, “How was school today”?

I can do that every day, and still feel like a first-timer every time.  Whenever I see my kids smile their sweetest, I feel like a loving mom in a feel-good old movie. I think I need more of this loving experience because it refreshes me. I’m also starting to like it when I can closely look into their needs every day. How about the stress? Oh, well, I’d get used to it if I couldn’t avoid it. The smiles on my kids’ face are priceless.

2. Get plenty of rest both for my mind and body

I needed this one so bad. I guess everybody does, but not everybody decides to enjoy it in a world that is so busy. I still work – on my own terms, and I think I’m entitled to it even for just the moment or maybe extend it for a while. Ah, just the thought makes not only my body, but also my mind breathe. I just feel I need a long-overdue rest after 21 years. Resting is good because, as one friend puts it, I can get back to my life purpose and re-define what I am really designed to do. Rest is not only for a stay-at-home working woman, it’s for everyone.  Let me ask you, have you taken a good rest lately?

3. Get a clearer perspective on the path I’m taking

I once joined a survival camp at one of the tallest mountains in Lambunao, Iloilo. It was such an awesome adventure, but turned out more than we figured out. We ended up not quite ready to climb. I saw a fellow camper, actually a rescue team volunteer, pass out. He was pale as paper, panting and almost unable to speak at the first stop. It was a difficult hike to the top.

We found it necessary to rest in the middle of the long trek and consider two things: get all the way back to the plains and go home, or go ahead to the top where the resting place, a nipa hut, and a group of waving younger campers who made me a bit insecure for getting there first, await us. We chose to go ahead, and reached the top. When you’re on a journey, it is good to step back once in a while and get a better perspective of how far you have gone, and gather all the strength you need to reach your chosen destination.

4. Get to work – and earn when I want, where I want

The months without regular work and a regular pay are not the best. I and my husband have been through a lot. Cutting down on living cost was impossible because there was practically nothing left to cut down. I have learned, though, that when we ask God for daily bread, He does not necessarily give us money or material things because such cannot sustain nor satisfy, but He gives us creative ideas, lots of creative ideas not only for ourselves, but also for others. I’m currently working on those creative ideas and I feel like a bird free from the cage, a goldfish out of the bowl. Both ends will finally meet.

I’m getting back to my small home-based business (very slowly, but getting there), and I still have a lot more businesses in mind. I failed on these things several times, but they kept haunting me, and until now I had to face those failures. I’m back with more time, more creativity, more faith, and more hard-earned lessons in my pocket. I also can work better on my blogs now, I occasionally get clients as a freelance writer, and I just got hired to do an amazing work-at-home job (I will write about it in the following months) that fits my personal purpose, interest and skills. Now, I’m looking forward to my first pay-day.

I can go on and on, but I like to ask you about your own work experience. I know things don’t always work the same way for everybody. Which one is more applicable to you, to have a work-at-home job, or work in a physical office condition? Write a comment on this post and let us discuss, or like me on Facebook for updates on this useful topic.

8 Killer Fears You Need to Face and How You Can Overcome Them as a Writer

We all have fears. They kill our enthusiasm, cripple us and make us do less than what we are designed to accomplish. What keeps you from doing more as an effective writer?

1. You are afraid your expertise will not be enough.

It’s a given fact that there are experts in every field. We all want to know what they do so we can inherit their success. How I wish I were like Thursday Bram already to be brave enough to write about writing. But I’m not. And I could not wait ’till I become like her before I start.

Every aspiring writer must be able to start somewhere and every path is different. Give yourself a chance because every big writer  started from being a nobody. Why not take that big step forward? Work on your own potential. You need to trust your creativity and eventually you will become a trusted expert in your own field. Learn from the experts but do not look down on yourself and do not wait to become like them before you explore.

2. You are afraid you’ll commit a mistake.

It is a nightmare to write a post and later find out that you have just published an error for the entire world to see. I did this many times and felt like a fool. Yes, we strive to make every written copy perfect but failure is inevitable. Effective writers also fail.

If you want to succeed you must give it a try. Avoiding failure means avoiding success altogether. Learn from your mistakes but first allow yourself to make one. It’s one of the best ways you can sharpen your writing skills.

3. You are afraid you won’t be making sense.

Who isn’t? Stop waiting for everything to make sense before you write your post. I don’t mean to just post anything online. We all know we shouldn’t do that.

A fellow blogger advised not to spend an entire week writing one article. We need order and organization, but we should not fear a little bit of confusion from time to time. Brilliant ideas do not usually come right away perfectly lined up and neatly organized. Sometimes they come from pure chaos. Some things start to work great before we even figure out how.

 4. You are afraid you will not be able to actually do it.

At the back of your mind you say you can do great but another part of you says otherwise. You are not alone. Not having adequate experience causes us to lose our confidence. But making sense of how things work is a process. You will gain more confidence as an effective writer once you keep going.

Trust that your ideas are on the course of being tried and tested just as anyone else’s. As you learn to figure things out, you will grow your confidence. If you fail, try what you haven’t tried yet. That’s the way it works. As pointed out already, every path to success is different, yours included.

5. You are afraid people pulling you down are actually right.

Ignore them. It’s your own fight. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody either. Just do your best. Useful critics are welcome, but be wary of those who are actually just pulling you down.  This world has a shortage of encouragers while detractors are many.You  simply need to give it a shot. Work not to disprove anybody and see where your creativity takes you. This will save you a lot of discouragements as you learn to write effectively.

6. You are afraid you don’t have all the facts.

One big temptation every writer faces is to study and research excessively on almost everything written about. Overwhelmed by all the information you have and yet to see? Act on what you know today. You don’t have to wait ‘till you know almost everything.

7.  You are too afraid to get out of limits.

We usually put limits to ourselves according to what we have already experienced. But these limits are usually traps. What works today may not work anymore tomorrow. At the same time, what isn’t working today might just be the best way to do things tomorrow.

Put wings on your creativity especially when you are just starting. Your weirdest concept now may just be the most workable idea next week. Just give it a try. Unless you do that, you will not be able to give your best shot. Effective writers dare to spread their wings.

8. You are afraid you’ll forget to edit. That’s why you keep editing while you write.

We are trained to criticize since grade school. Remember the red ink on your grade school composition? Your teacher used to say, “Change your tense”, “Wrong punctuation”, “Next paragraph”.

If my memory serves me right, there was never a time in my language subject when we were allowed to just write freely, let our ideas flow and edit afterwards. It was always making sure that your next verb is with the same tense or plurality as your previous one. And you are to do it right the first time. Our minds are trained to edit first.

Too much editing wears down. It will take you a lot of time to finish writing just one sentence if you go on evaluating every single word and sentence you make. Have a separate time of free-flow writing and edit afterwards. It worked well in writing this article.

Think I just missed to edit something? Click on my comment box and share your mind. Also, what are some of your fears and how did you overcome them? Do you have any particular fear listed above?

Seven Things that Can Make You an Expert Writer

Are you hesitant to share what you know because you don’t consider yourself an expert? Do you have to wait until everybody calls you that way?

Most people have great potential but are so hesitant to do something about it because nobody calls them an expert. But what makes a person an expert in any particular field? Read on and gain the confidence you need to do as much as you can starting today.

  1. Knowledge

You definitely know a lot. What particular things do you know which can help others? Can you show this in a way that can benefit them?

Your simple knowledge can add value to the life of others. When you show fellow moms how to bake bread, how to discipline kids, how to clean up their mess and organize their stuff, you become an expert. You will know it when they come to you and ask about how you do something.

Your knowledge may seem too small and insignificant to you, but once you treasure it and treat it with value and improves it, it becomes an expertise that people are willing to pay for.

  1. Focus

Of all the things you know, what makes you talk most of the time? A drummer will usually tap his fingers on almost anything and create rhythms and sound patterns. A parent will always talk about his kids. A lover talks about his dinner dates most of the time. A sales person talks about sales even while having lunch.

What do you keep talking about? What fuels your interest? What generates your enthusiasm? Your passion is the best thing you can be an expert on.

  1. Experience

No two experiences are alike. This is why we can learn from the experiences of others and likewise. What you have gone through are unique experiences from which perspectives, steps and tips can be drawn to help others. Treasure them. Formulate lessons from them. Observe how certain things were done successfully and what things failed. These can form guidelines for others to follow or get an idea from. And because your experience is unique, it makes you an expert.

  1. Action

Having all the knowledge and ideas is nothing if you don’t act about them. Your idea is no good until you act on it. A lot real good guys with very good ideas never succeed because of inactivity. It’s not knowledge that eventually makes you an expert. It’s knowledge that works both for you and your target audience.

Make your knowledge work by making it available for everyone to use. Make an eBook out of it, post it on a blog, tweet about it, and post it on social media, or make a video out of it.

  1. Selling

This is what most writers are afraid of. Sell your ideas and experiences. Sell yourself. Unless you let it out in the open, people will never know you have something worthwhile to offer. You may have noticed that a lot of people out there are not even better than you. The only difference is they sell their stuff and you don’t.

You cannot earn a following without first selling yourself. What you know to be very simple stuff can already be a big help to some people and they will be willing to pay for it.

  1. Value

Having an expertise is one thing. Adding value to it is another. How can you make your offer better? How can you make your readers feel you are giving them advantage and that you care for them? Continue to improve on your knowledge and skills and keep learning for better and better results. This will keep followers coming for more.

  1. Service

Helping others is what gives meaning to what we do. If you fail to make it a point, you will not serve your purpose. Your knowledge and experiences are designed to make the life of others better. Seek to find more ways to serve your followers and continually think of their welfare. This always works both ways. The better you serve your audience, the more they will come back to you.

Don’t wait until someone calls you an expert before you do something. Start acting now and write as an expert writer does.

Want to add something? Click on my comment link and shoot. Experts and non-experts welcome. Thanks.

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